What did Jessi Ngatikaura share about her sexual assault at 19? Details explored

In the reunion special for season 3 of The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, cast mate Jessi Ngatikaura opened up about a personal revelation that had come to surface recently thanks to therapy.

The discussion arose after Mikayla Matthews and her husband, Jace Terry, reflected on the enduring effects of the childhood sexual abuse she suffered and its ongoing impact on their relationship.

Mikayla, who has spoken about the abuse she suffered during the ages of 11-15 in the past, revealed how it is still impacting her physical and emotional relationship with her husband – particularly since giving birth to their fourth child.

As Mikayla talked about her battles, Jessi broke down into tears. Host Stassi Schroeder addressed Jessi and asked her if she was doing okay. That's when Jessi revealed something she’s never discussed before.

Jessi explained that during therapy sessions, while working through issues of her marriage, she unearthed a repressed memory of having been raped at 19. She shared that this revelation had explained so much for her about feelings of detachment, pushing people away, and an overarching sense of not being enough that she had faced in adulthood.

"I actually loved watching Mikayla's story because I knew that it happened to her, but seeing it play out, seeing her thoughts and feelings behind it, I can relate. I've been doing a lot of therapy because of mine and Jordan's situation, and I actually uncovered the memory that I was raped when I was 19," Jessi Ngatikaura said.

A look into Jessi Ngatikaura's recent love life as her fellow castmates react to her new revelation

Jessi’s castmates were stunned as she spoke and she made it clear how much Mikayla’s story resonated with her personally. Trauma, she said, had also shaped her relationship to physical touch and intimacy, even with her husband, Jordan Ngatikaura.

"I know exactly how you feel. I don't want him to touch me, and it's not his fault, but it's so crazy how your body reacts. It's not just your emotions, you know? And so that's been another layer of healing for me that watching her story, it really hit home for me," she added.

Jessi Ngatikaura and Jordan Ngatikaura’s marriage has been a central part of season 3, with a focus on Jessi’s affair with Marciano Brunette and their thrilling separation.

Jessi has also claimed before that an emotional toxic marriage influenced her headspace prior to the affair, and Jordan has admitted to having caused her pain in their relationship. They did end up getting back together after a 90-day break, with therapy as the focus of their trust-rebuilding process.

"I would say we both made mistakes for sure... Mine being the affair and his being the emotional abuse, but I think it takes two to tango," Jessi Ngatikaura told People.

Fellow cast member Conner, who has also publicly talked about surviving childhood sexual assault, got emotional as he responded to Jessi while at the reunion. He also spoke about how the trauma had affected his intimacy in a similar way, and admired Jace and Jordan for being as patient with him.

Jessi’s revelation unfolded in a broader, unexpectedly raw discussion among the cast about trauma, healing and how past abuse reverberates into adult relationships. Some cast members said that as challenging as it was to reveal such experiences on television, sharing them could also help viewers who are going through the same thing seek help.