The Survivor 45 Cast Isn't Built for Survival

In the long and entertaining history of Survivor season premieres, rarely has a first elimination felt so thematically consistent with the episode that preceded it than tonight's Survivor 45 premiere. Before the Lulu tribe could cast their votes, Hannah Rose, a 33-year-old therapist from Maryland made it easy for them. Two days of supply-free island living and nicotine withdrawal was about enough for her, and with five other people who still wanted to be there, Hannah quit. Call it a soft quit or a quiet quit (appropriate for this deeply millennial cast, of which 13 of the 18 contestants are between the ages of 25 and 40), but Hannah essentially requested her exit.

As far as people who have quit Survivor, Hannah is probably the least objectionable. She wasn't overly whiny about it, and her self-diagnosis (therapist!) seemed pretty clear headed. She came across as a rational person who tested her limits for a couple days and decided that was about enough. Hannah did a deeply normal thing by any real-world standard. It's just something that hardly anyone has ever done on Survivor.

Hannah's exit didn't exactly shake up the game in its very first Tribal Council, but it did shine a light on something that seems incredibly pertinent: Survivor 45's cast may well be the most ill equipped to actually survive on an island that we've ever seen. Some statistics to set the table: this cast features two grad students, three attorneys (two of whom are pretending they're not attorneys), two people who work in software, one musician, one "bartender" whose real job appears to be "armchair astrologist," and one content creator. The cast does feature one truck driver (and former Marine), Sabiyah Broderick, though she quickly identifies herself as someone who believes the pyramids were built by aliens to store batteries. Sifu Alsup is the only castaway this season who identifies as an athlete in any way, though his competitive experience appears to be limited to trying to top Coach Wade's record for most tai-chi poses struck in a single season. Five of these people wear glasses. Five!

This is not simply judging 18 books by their covers. In just one super-sized 90-minute episode — as all episodes will be this season — Hannah quit so she could get a hot meal and a smoke, two tribes failed the Sweat vs. Savvy challenge, and one alliance (Kendra McQuarrie, Kellie Nalbandian, and Katurah Topps on Bolo tribe) formed on the basis that they're two Virgos and a September Libra. And that's not even getting into the saga of poor Brandon Donlon, a dead ringer for teenage Misty Quigley on Yellowjackets who hails from (and I am not making this up) Sicklerville, New Jersey. Brandon experienced a panic attack in the marooning challenge, so bad that it sounds like he blacked out, and then on the second night he appeared to have suffered an attack of reflux. At last, seeing myself represented on Survivor! I've waited 45 seasons for this day.

This is not some accident of casting. While the bulk of the Season 45 cast may tip further towards the Indoor Kids than it ever has before, things have been moving steadily in this direction for a long time. "Survivor used to be about surviving" is the new "MTV used to play music videos," but it's no less true. The early seasons were as much about enduring the elements and creating a functional camp life as they were about game theory and social manipulation. Both elements have always existed, but for a while they were in balance — and often at odds with each other. Longtime fans endured countless alpha personalities who treated Survivor like a sport and saw pulling one's weight at camp as a moral imperative.

But Survivor has evolved into far more of a strategy game than a test of survival skills, which makes perfect sense. It's less fun to watch people make a functional camp and carry water jugs than it is to watch them scramble to form alliances and voting strategies. The actual survivalists on Survivor never stood a chance against the gamebot who grew up watching the show. And if there's one thing you'll have noticed about Survivor since it returned from its COVID hiatus, it's that Jeff Probst is pitching this show directly at the gamebots who grew up watching it. Probst's ideal Survivor castaway used to be modeled on Colby Donaldson, the handsome, athletic Texan with a rancher's work ethic who was the fan favorite in Survivor: Australia. Nowadays, though, the paradigm for the ideal Survivor contestant would have to be Cirie Fields, whose story about getting up off the couch and testing her limits on Survivor, only to become one of the best and most beloved cast members in show history, has long since become legend. Those are the stories Probst and the show's producers focus on now: unlikely heroes and castaways who hit the beach like a lamb and walk out like a lion. It's personal growth through the prism of Survivor.

That's why Probst didn't seem mad, or even all that disappointed, when Hannah put herself up for elimination. This is a guy who used to treat players who quit the show like they were traitors to the homeland. Some didn't even get the courtesy of a proper "the tribe has spoken" torch snuffing. Now he's smiling as Hannah walks out of the game on her own accord. But it makes sense. If the approach to casting Survivor now is to pack the show with armchair strategists whose ability to tackle its hardships would make for an unlikely yet inspirational story, then at least Hannah walked out learning something about herself.

This would all be a lot more annoying if the Season 45 cast weren't incredibly entertaining. Brandon, who cries at the drop of a hat and lists his ability to comfort people as his best asset to the tribe, is so endearing! He is great at comforting people! I hope his reflux issues clear up! Sifu the tai-chi master is playing the game like Tony Vlachos, if the latter had a sense of humor about himself. Bruce Perreault, who is back again this season after getting concussed on the first challenge last season, is giving us vintage Russell Swan "I definitely don't want to be a leader but also here are 17 things I know you're doing wrong because I've done this before" energy. Katurah is giving some of my favorite confessional interviews in a very long time. Jake O'Kane figured out a non-threatening way to be a Boston-Irish stereotype.

And yet, as lovable a group of bespectacled nature agnostics as these people are, I can't help but long for a bit more balance. For as irksome as the "Survivor as a sport" types can be, this particular group could use a few more nature guides, rock climbers, farmers, even — God forgive me — a Navy SEAL (no cops, though; we can keep a moratorium on cops). I’m so glad the game has evolved to the point where the at-home strategists can compete and be more than just cannon fodder for the alphas. But a cast composed of only gamebots can get boring, and I can’t deny that I’m missing the element of true survivalist types, even merely as players to root against. The strategy minded who see every action on the island as a series of moves and countermoves need red-meat-eating people who believe in things like athletic superiority and chores, if only as ballast. To put it simply, give these chess masters some pawns. And ideally those pawns can figure out how to build a shelter.

Survivor airs Wednesday nights at 8:00 PM ET on CBS. Join the discussion about the show in our forums.

Joe Reid is the senior writer at Primetimer and co-host of the This Had Oscar Buzz podcast. His work has appeared in Decider, NPR, HuffPost, The Atlantic, Slate, Polygon, Vanity Fair, Vulture, The A.V. Club and more.